How The Rugby Family Comes Through for Mike Tolkin
How The Rugby Family Comes Through for Mike Tolkin
At the US Rugby Foundation-run US Rugby Hall of Fame dinner, inductee Mike Tolkin wasn’t there; instead, he sent a video acceptance speech saying, to being with “I’m not there, and that’s a good thing.”
This article first appeared on prsevens.com
It was good, of course, because Mike had found an organ donor.
A multiple national champion as a coach in high school and the Super League, a former USA National Team Head Coach, and currently PR7s General Manager, Mike had announced earlier in 2024 that he was suffering from liver cancer. Soon it became clear that at some point, ideally sooner than later, he would need a transplant, and the call went out for potential living donors. Naturally, the rugby family came through.
The call went out in February. Mike was not in imminent danger, but he would need a transplant and doing one when he was still relatively strong and healthy would make it somewhat easier. A living donor can donate a portion of his or her liver—doctors just leave part of the liver with the donor and the organ then regrows for both donor and recipient.
A transplant from a living donor also eases recover and allows doctors to plan better because there’s less of deadline. But it’s still a massive undertaking. It’s major surgery for both donor and recipient, and a huge commitment. The response to help Mike was overwhelming.
“It was very humbling and amazing,” Mike said. “It's a big ask to donate an organ, not only for the person considering, but their family and jobs and overall situation as well. So it makes it all the more incredible that we were able to get a big response like that. It's funny that post-surgery, the liver team joked that the Wednesday donor qualification meeting—where they potentially approve a donor—had become boring after I came off the list because there weren't so many people to discuss anymore!”
Several people were in line to donate to Tolkin, many of them friends and former teammates from the New York area. But it in the end the donor came from Texas. Traci Schmidtke Young played rugby at Texas A&M, for the West All-Stars, and USA U23s before joining the Austin Valkyries. She is married to Wendy Young, editor of Your Scrumhalf Connection and a referee and announcer who has been part of the PR7s broadcast team. It was Wendy who saw a social media post by Austin-based broadcaster Dallen Stanford and showed it to Traci.
“She saw it and knew that I had the right blood type, O Negative, and said ‘what do you think?’ I figured, there would be a bunch of hoops to jump through, but it doesn’t hurt to try.”
So she filled out some forms and a health history, did some blood testing in Austin, and learned there were others going through the same process. It all seemed so routine.
“They then told me, if you’re needed, we’ll call, and then one Wednesday morning I got the call and it all started to get a bit more real,” Traci explained.
Now there were trips to New York, more tests, and a long talk with her family, not only Wendy, but their nine-year-old son, and Traci’s parents.
“The hospital in New York was really great,” she said. “They had a psychologist and a social worker on staff just to make sure you’re taken care of. They had so much support. And there was never any doubt we were going to do this. We have a lot of friends that have cancer or have passed away from cancer and it is so defeating to watch them and not be able to do anything for them. This was a chance to actually do something.”
Mike and Traci had met just once, at a tournament, but didn’t know each other. Wendy Young and Mike had crossed paths, notably at PR7s, but this was essentially a connection between strangers whose only real common ground was being part of the rugby family.
“It is truly unusual that it was someone I didn't know,” Mike said. “As so many people in my network were exposed to the message and several of those people screened and came really close.
“The rugby family is strong all around the world and so many people reading this would have experienced some level of support, help, friendship or good thoughts during their time being part of the game. For me, it was support on a life-saving level, but in general, people involved in our game really try to do the right thing and have an affinity for looking out for each other. I don't believe that this dynamic is as strong in any other sport.”
They finally met in New York pre-surgery and doctor’s orders were to fuel up so they met for a huge dinner.
“It's been so nice to get to know Traci better and to strengthen my relationship with Wendy and know more about their son, Cole,” said Mike
And then the surgery day was there. Doctors removed 60% of Traci’s liver for Mike.
“Doctors said it was a ‘beautiful liver,’” said Traci, laughing. In fact, the surgery, expected to last six hours, was done early because there were no troubles or complications. So when Wendy got the post-surgery call she was immediately worried something had gone wrong because it was so early. And while everything went well, it wasn’t easy.
“Not going to lie; I totally underestimated how I would feel,” said Traci. “Going into surgery I really started to feel that this was real.”
The surgery, July 2, was a success.
Traci was kept under observation for a few days and released (her liver would grow back after two weeks but she has to refrain from alcohol for at least six months and can’t lift heavy objects for at least three). Mike was released and moved to his brother’s house for his recovery.
That was why Mike didn’t attend his Hall of Fame induction—in fact Traci did attend and accepted for him— well … it was sort of the reason.
“What most people don’t know and I think the funniest part is that I am going into the Texas Rugby Hall of Fame and we did the surgery when we did it so I could attend,” Traci said. “So Mike missed his induction so I could be at mine.”
Mike doesn’t mind.
For Traci, recovery means no overdoing it—she’s good for one outing a day but needs to rest. She doesn’t eat much as she feels full easily, so she eats small amounts during the day. As a personal trainer she’s been able to put her client caseload on hold while she recovers, but this is still an adjustment.
The same for Mike, who has to rebuild some muscle and energy, and make sure the transplant holds.
“Apart from being fatigued due to many pills and a surging metabolism as the liver grows, I am doing as well as could be expected,” Mike said. “So many people have reached out and have been very kind with their offers and prayers, so that helps a ton. I definitely do want to get back into living! Anyone who knows me knows that I can't sit still. But I'm being patient and avoiding overtaxing myself as infection and hernia are still possible.
“The key benchmarks for me are one month, three months, six months, and a year. But at some point during that timeline, I want to get back to working and rugby, being with friends and family, traveling, and doing the everyday things I love doing.”
With all of that, Mike has had time to reflect on the overarching emotion for him—gratitude.
“While I have had to be pretty isolated post-surgery, Traci and I keep in touch regularly,” he said. “That relationship is forever cemented and I am eternally grateful as Traci and Wendy have demonstrated such magnanimity; a truly selfish act. And I want to thank everyone who reached out or said prayers or any little bit of support. Nothing was too small and everyone needs a support group to keep them whole! Please consider organ donation in whatever method that works for you. So many people's lives can be saved.
